Happy Birthday, Bean. You may never read this, but I love you with all my heart, and I am so very proud of you.

For those of you who have seen Endgame:
I love you 3000. <sniff>

#daddy-diary #birthday

Three decades later and I STILL remember all of this like it was bloody yesterday.

Get 'em started early

Bean has taken to naming her stuffed animals after colors. (I don't know why, but it's at least slightly better than just naming them what they are.) The thing is, they're random: her olive-green triceratops is Pink, her pink and white cat is Green, her penguin is Blue, and her panda bear is Yellow. (At least the penguin has blue feet, but that's all we got, and I highly doubt that factored into the decision in the slightest.)

This morning my wife was giving her the choice of whether to bring the penguin or the cat with her to day care. #cloudcomputing #softwaredeveloper types might know where I'm going with this...

... because I looked at the situation and thought "Aww, it's her first 'blue-green deployment!'"

#dadjokes #humor #daddy-diary
^^^^^ Likewise this

Once again, our future, courtesy of Randy Milholland:

This is what a "quiet weekend" looks like

Saturday: Took the dog to get a bath, he threw up in the child's car seat on the way home. Got so frustrated trying to take the thing out in order to remove the cover to clean it that the decision was made to replace it. New car seat got.

Saturday night: Bean has reached the "irrational fear" portion of our show, so she was in our room at 4am because she woke up scared. I was in her room for about an hour singing her back to sleep, but it meant that everyone was sleep deprived the next morning.

Sunday: What do you do with a "lazy Sunday" where you have "nothing to do" and everyone's sleep deprived? Right! Decide on the spur of the moment to drive 3 hours to a maple syrup festival. Because of course you do. :-) Fun was had, but it was a long day. And I think Bean enjoyed looking at the raptors, amphibians and reptiles on display at the Environmental Center far more than the actual things about making maple syrup. She sure enjoyed the pancakes, though.

(And on th... show more
Sounds like comfort (if not sleep) was provided all around. Nice work! Don't let the dog eat all of the ice cream. :)
The ice cream went straight into the freezer. :-) However, the biscuits that came home from dinner, and were supposed to be for breakfast this morning, ended up being sacrificed to the cat who -- no joke -- will chew through plastic bags to get to food.


This one doesn't get better, best I can tell.

I will not feel like an inadequate parent... I will not feel like an inadequate parent... :-D

Can't imagine where she gets it...

Scene: Bean is eating a banana and has eaten down to the unpeeled portion.

Bean: I want the rest out!
Me: Do you want help?
Bean: Nooooo...
Me: Do you need help?
Bean: Yeahhhhh...

#toddlerwisdom #wants #needs

Bad parent memes, episode 1

@Pixley recently mentioned Frinkiac, a searchable repository of Simpsons screencaps and meme generator. I also stumbled upon Morbotron and Master of All Science, similar sites for Futurama and Rick & Morty, respectively.

We have a two-year-old who is currently enamored of Daniel Tiger. And I am a bad person. So, here's how the game is played: whatever the lyrical moral of this episode of Daniel Tiger is, I will search for it in those three sites and use resulting screencaps -- not necessarily the first one -- to make what I think are amusing memes. And then post them here for your amusement, and for further proof that I am a horrible person, but I make you laugh, so I guess I can be allowed to live.


#bad-parent #daddy-diary #humor #simpsons #futurama #rickandmorty #memes

Out of the mouths of babes...

Bean: (makes muscles) I big and strong!
Me: (imitating) I'm big and strong!
Bean: No, you not big and strong! You're big!
Me: (plaintively, to my wife who is out of the room) Honey! Our child just called me fat and weak!
Her: Yeah, I heard!

#conversationsfrommymarriage #outofthemouthsofbabes #toosmartforherowngood #toddlerwisdom

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